exhaustion

I am tired. Tired of hard. Tired of wrestling. Tired of being tired.

About three weeks ago, I shut down. Life got too hard, I couldn't handle it anymore. So I shut down, I slammed the door to my heart. This has been the first time in a while now that I haven't let myself feel.

And now, I've turned into a hermit at best and an angry, volatile person at worst. I haven't taken care of myself, I haven't let people take care of me, and I haven't taken care of my friends.

Funny thing is, I don't remember making this decision. It wasn't a conscious, deliberate choice, at least I don't think so. How do I get back in? I'm terrified I won't be able to find the key.