Thursday, January 1, 2009

midnight kisses and new beginnings

What is it about New Year's that gets everyone so excited? Why the need to celebrate so much? to be honest, I don't think I ever understood why people made such a big deal about it. What's the point in getting wasted, kissing someone at midnight while you toot your little horn, and then partying hard for the first few hours of the new year? I never understood it. Doesn't the clock strike midnight every 24 hours? What's the big deal with that one night that marks the end of December and the beginning of January? I never understood it until this year. 

Everyone is looking for a new beginning. Everyone wants that clean slate, that chance to start over and "do things right" this time around. Whether you're looking for a new "you," and new "Mr. (or Mrs.) Right," or a new outlook on life, there's something about a new calendar year that carries that hope. Last night, as I sat around a table with one of my dearest friends, I couldn't help but give a sigh of relief as the clock hit midnight. Finally, 2008 was over. I, too, am ready for a new year. I'm ready for a clean slate, in more ways than just a white calendar page. Last year kicked my ass all over the place, particularly the last 3 months, and I was more than ready for it to be over. 

I have to admit, though, that I was a bit disappointed this morning when I woke up and still felt that gnawing pain in the pit of my stomach. You know, that deep ache you feel when you're just plain worn out on life. You're sick of dealing with shit, and tired of feeling like the pile of baggage you carry around with you is more than an 18-wheeler could carry. There was something about midnight last night that made me hope for just a split-second that the end of 2008 meant the end of all the pain. I honestly hoped it meant that I could sleep easy because the burden of the past year had been lifted simply with the turning of a calendar page. 

This morning, I woke up, and was rather disappointed to find none of that was true. I wonder how many other people felt the same way.

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